Steve Jobs was once asked what made Apple successful. He didn’t say “great engineers” or “great design.”
He said: “Focus is about saying No.”
He explained that he was just as proud of the things Apple didn’t do as the things they did.
Most of us live in a state of default “Yes.”
- “Can you join this committee?” Yes.
- “Can we grab coffee?” Yes.
- “Can you help me move?” Yes.
We think we are being helpful. But in reality, we are just being scattered.
Every time you say “Yes” to something minor, you are saying “No” to something major.
The Zero-Sum Game
Time is a zero-sum game. You cannot create more of it.
If you say “Yes” to a one-hour meeting that you don’t need to be in, you have just subtracted one hour from:
- Your side business.
- Your workout.
- Your family.
- Your sleep.
You are not “finding time” for the meeting. You are stealing time from your life.
As the diagram above from the book Essentialism shows:
- The Non-Essentialist: Energy is split in 20 directions. They make a millimeter of progress in a million directions.
- The Essentialist: Energy is focused in one direction. They make a mile of progress in the thing that matters.
The “Hell Yeah” Rule
Derek Sivers, a famous entrepreneur, has a rule that solves 90% of your decision-making problems.
If it’s not a “HELL YEAH!”, it’s a “No.”
When you are asked to do something, gauge your immediate physical reaction.
- If you feel excited: Do it.
- If you feel hesitant, guilty, or indifferent: Say No.
If you say “yes” to mediocre opportunities, you will have no space left when a great opportunity comes along. You need to keep your calendar empty so you can seize the rare moments that actually change your life.
Why We Are Afraid to Say No
We struggle with “No” because we crave social approval. We don’t want to look rude. We don’t want to let people down.
But here is the truth: People respect a clear “No” more than a flaky “Yes.”
Nothing is worse than someone who says “Yes,” but then shows up late, unprepared, and resentful because they didn’t actually want to be there.
How to Say No (Without Being a Jerk)
You don’t need to make up a lie (“My dog is sick”). You just need to be direct and polite.
The Scripts:
- The “Policy” No:”I have a rule that I don’t take meetings before 11 AM so I can focus on deep work. Can we do email instead?”(People respect rules/policies).
- The “Priorities” No:”That sounds like a great project, but I’m fully committed to [Current Goal] right now, and I wouldn’t be able to give this the attention it deserves.”
- The “Gracious” No:”I’m flattered you asked, but I can’t make it work. Thank you for thinking of me.”
The Verdict
Your time is your life.
If you let other people fill your calendar, you are letting them live your life for you.
A “No” today buys you freedom tomorrow.
Be ruthless with your time so you can be generous with your energy.
The Challenge:
Look at your calendar for next week.
Find one commitment that is a “mediocre yes” something you are dreading or doing just out of obligation.
Cancel it.
Send a polite message today. “Hey, I’ve looked at my schedule and I actually won’t be able to make this work. Sorry for the change.”
Feel the weight lift off your shoulders.