“I’ll be happy when…”
“I’ll start that business when things settle down.”
“I’ll take that trip when I have more money.”
“I’ll start living my real life someday.”
We all have a version of this sentence running in our heads. We treat our current life as a waiting room, a boring, necessary pause before the “real” event begins.
We convince ourselves that there is a magical destination called Someday. And in that land of Someday, we will finally be fit, wealthy, relaxed, and happy.
Here is the wake-up call: Someday is a lie.
It is not a place on the map. It is a mental trap designed to keep you sedated.
The Horizon Effect
Psychologists call this the “Arrival Fallacy,” but I prefer to call it the Horizon Effect.
Imagine you are walking toward the horizon. It looks like a finish line. But as you take ten steps forward, the horizon moves ten steps back. You never actually reach it.
I spent my 20s chasing the horizon.
- “When I graduate, I’ll be happy.” (Graduated, felt nothing).
- “When I get a job, I’ll be happy.” (Got the job, got stressed).
- “When I make $10k a month, I’ll be happy.” (Made the money, just wanted $20k).
I was postponing my life for a future that, by definition, never arrives. Because once you get there, “there” becomes “here.” And you just look for the next “there.”
The “Deferred Life” Plan
Seneca, the Stoic philosopher, wrote about this 2,000 years ago. He said:
“You are living as if destined to live forever… You act like mortals in all that you fear, and like immortals in all that you desire.”
We act like we have infinite time. We save the good wine for a “special occasion.” We save the big ideas for “next year.” We save our happiness for retirement.
This is the Deferred Life Plan.
It is a gamble with terrible odds. You are betting 100% of your present joy on a future that is not guaranteed.
The harsh reality is that you might not make it to retirement. You might not make it to next year. Hell, you might not make it to dinner.
How to Escape the Trap
I am not saying you shouldn’t plan for the future. Build wealth. Have goals. Be ambitious.
But you must stop waiting for the future to give you permission to live.
Here is how I broke out of the “Someday” loop:
1. Stop Saving the “Good Stuff”
I used to have a nice notebook I was afraid to write in because I didn’t want to “ruin” it with bad ideas. I had a bottle of whiskey I was saving for a “victory.”
One Tuesday, I realized how stupid this was. I opened the whiskey. I scribbled in the notebook.
If you have nice shoes, wear them to the grocery store. If you have a project you love, work on it for 20 minutes today, even if you are “busy.” Stop treating your life like a dress rehearsal.
2. Fall in Love with the Boring Parts
If you only love the finish line, you will be miserable 99% of the time. The race is long; the finish line is a single second.
I stopped trying to rush through the work to get to the “result.” I started trying to enjoy the friction of the work itself.
- Don’t just rush to get fit; try to enjoy the feeling of lifting the heavy weight.
- Don’t just rush to be rich; try to enjoy the puzzle of building the business.
3. Memento Mori (Remember Death)
This sounds dark, but it is actually the most life-affirming tool there is.
Remind yourself every morning: “My time is running out.”
This cuts through the noise. When you realize your time is finite, you stop caring about petty office politics. You stop waiting for the “perfect time” to say I love you, or to quit the job you hate.
The Verdict
There is no “Next Chapter.” There is only this page, right now.
If you are miserable now, a million dollars won’t fix it. You’ll just be a miserable person with a fast car.
Stop waiting for Someday. It isn’t coming.
Wake up to today.
The Challenge: What is one thing you have been saving for a “special occasion”? (A bottle of wine, a new outfit, a vacation day). Use it this week. No excuse needed.